New Year, New Nerves, New Directions

We mark New Year’s Eve with tea in Edinburgh, raw feelings, and a clear line between survival mode and the slow build toward joy. From Scotland’s water to the Tower card, we trace a healing arc, claim boundaries, and ask for community support to start a new life.

• contrasts between Scotland and the US on water, food, and systems

• small human moments with strangers and what care looks like

• survival mode physiology and somatic resets

• apartment hunting realities and managing expectations• 

generational trauma, women’s burdens, and pattern breaking

• tarot as a map from collapse to renewal

• choosing joy after demolition and defining a new book

• community, asking for help, and practical next steps

PS-If anybody in the Edinburgh area knows of a place to rent or would be willing to rent to me for six months, please slide into my DMs, okay? Or if somebody is even willing to sponsor me while I'm here, I would greatly appreciate that. Just slide up into those DMs, okay?

Sometimes you gotta be adult in the room to say something. Silence = Death.

Chapters

• 0:00 Tea, Yodel Hotel, Year-End Mood
• 1:00 Scotland’s Water And Systems Contrast
• 2:05 Caring, Homelessness, Small Human Moments
• 4:29 Apartment Hunting And Expectations
• 6:45 Survival Mode Versus Thriving
• 9:20 Food Standards And Corporate Control
• 12:10 Genealogy, Ancestors, And Inheritance
• 15:40 Generational Trauma And Women’s Burdens
• 18:40 The Tower: Blowing Up A Life
• 21:20 Clearing The Past And Rebuilding
• 24:00 From Tower To Ten Of Cups
• 26:20 New Book Energy And Possibilities
• 28:00 Community, Asking For Help, Edinburgh Leads
• 30:00 Closing Reflections And New Year Hope

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:02

Hey! Welcome to Self-Lovin' with Auntie Robin. Welcome to the podcast. It's New Year's Eve. I'm sitting at my hotel, the Yodel. So cheers to the Yodel. Having a cup of tea. And just kind of relaxing today. Um, before the festivities this evening. But I kind of wanted to pop on here and kind of actually do a little episode for you guys because this has been such an interesting journey. I've been kind of reflecting the past couple days when I've gotten back to my hotel after being out in Edinburgh looking at apartments and stuff like that, and also just checking out the city itself. Um, it has been really interesting, just completely fascinating to see like the difference between America and here. And I seriously, Scotland, you need to teach a masterclass on what the fuck you do with your water because what are you doing? Your water is amazing. I have actually taken two showers already in this time period, and oh my god, I have felt I have never felt so clean. I have never felt so clean. I always feel like I have a residue on me, even after I take a shower. And it's just like even drinking the water and the tea here just straight out of the tap. You need to teach the world what you're doing. Okay, whatever it is you're doing, it works. And the rest of the world, pay attention. Maybe take a few lessons, okay? Take a few. Because if you don't have water, we're fucked. I mean, honestly, we're dead as human beings. So maybe we should probably take care of our water sources just a little bit better. Because honestly, being in America and with these AI data center things, with like how much water they're wasting and contaminating, because it's got to go through a process, and I'm sure that that is like filtering in a bunch of toxic crap into the water. And um, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Something that needs to be taken care of. Um, I'm gonna apologize. I am not editing a damn bit of this, okay? So you're gonna have to deal with my and uh suck it up. Um, I just don't give any shits anymore right now. And that's also part of the healing journey, and also my age, too. I think like once you reach your 50s, I think you're allowed to give no fucks. Problem is, I I give too many fucks. I care. I really genuinely care and give a shit about human beings and the human race. And it's just so weird. Like, okay, yesterday, I bought a sausage roll. I didn't like it, and there was a homeless man there, and I just kind of ripped off the part that I'm I bit and asked him if he wanted the rest of it. And he's just like, well, I prefer money, and I'm like, well, I I understand that I would too. But this is what I got. And so he he graciously accepted it, and I talked to him for a little bit, and it was really nice. And then, like, further on down the street, there was an artist, an older older gentleman, who had like his art like hanging up on the on the walls. And I'm just like, oh, I love it when artists do that. And so I went up and I started talking to him because I as an artist, it takes a lot of balls to do that, and it is just oh, it is so hard to sit there all day, and hardly anybody walks by. If if you make a sale, great, but the likelihood is very low. Um, and I just started talking to him, and it was so nice, it was so great. And then um I've been looking at apartments, and that was also an interesting journey because I mean, clearly there are some differences between the United States and the UK uh in renting apartments, and um, I've been having some trouble with that. I I mean, granted, I also have to remind myself, I've only been here since December 28th. Okay, I guess I have some high expectations of myself that maybe I need to lower a little bit. But also with this healing journey, I kind of feel like, come on, man, help a sister out.

SPEAKER_00: 5:12

I've done the work, I've done the work, I've put in the work.

SPEAKER_02: 5:18

Um, and now I'm integrating all that, and it it's it's it's a different challenge, and one in which I'm still learning. And my spirit guides have been helping me out along the way. But it's it's been interesting because I'm trying to get myself out of survival mode. Because in America, it's very much survival mode for 98% of the country. 97. We'll say 97% of the country is is in survival mode. And the rest of us, the other 3%, I'll I'll be generous and give it three percent, um make enough in order to, you know, thrive, shall we say. But when you are in survival mode, you can't thrive. You're just trying to get by, trying to meet your basic needs of food, clothing, shelter. Um, and that's what I'm trying to get myself out of. And unfortunately, I've put myself right back into that place and trying not to be homeless at this point, which is a great fear of mine, honestly. But I am trying to calm those fears, doing my somatic exercises, being a good little girl on that, trying to eat semi-healthier. Um, but it's also been great because like the food here is just on point and delicious. I've had probably some of the better meals than I have here than in America because I don't know what it is. They're I don't know if it's the restrictions and stuff that they put on like their food, uh, whereas America does not have a lot of restrictions, um, and just let corporations, carte blanche, do whatever the fuck they want. Um, but yeah. Okay, I blanked out there. So my thought terrain derailed.

unknown: 7:35

Woo woo woo woo.

SPEAKER_02: 7:37

So we're gonna talk about something else now. Because I'm not editing this shit today. I'm just not. I'm not I'm not here for it. I'm I'm tired. I'm a little jet leg still. And I do have to give myself, remind myself to give myself some grace because I've only been here the 28th. Okay, so the 28th, 29th, 30th, today's the 31st. So four days. I've done pretty good for four days. I've had to switch hotels. I forgot about the time zone thing. Um, and I was technically supposed to check into my hotel the day before. Oops. So I wasted a little money on that one. Um, not gonna say that that didn't hurt, but it kind of hurt. But here I am in a new hotel. I've had to switch hotels. Um, I've been contacting and talking to real estate agents, looking for a place to let, which has really been kind of interesting. It's been fun actually looking for an apartment in a different country. It's a different way of seeing the city. I I really honestly have to tell you that. Um, because you can kind of see what's close around, and then you kind of get a feel of the different areas and stuff like that. And it's oh my god, it's so fascinating. It's so fascinating. And I'm just loving that. It's a weird way to see the city, but I've got my little uh Edinburgh map, and she's cute, she's a pocket-size lover, and plus I also have my phone, but I'm really trying not to use that as much as humanly possible, except for you know, Wi-Fi. But it's challenging, but it's doable. And um, hopefully later today this will drop. But what a journey, dude. What a fucking journey. Like, I'm a little reflective now looking back at everything, and wow.

unknown: 9:49

Wow.

SPEAKER_02: 9:50

The past nine years have just been trying to just kind of let that go. And I mean, when you've had to deal with uh verbal, physical, sexual abuse, trying to heal those things, and trying to also resolve your childhood issues because we all have this, we all do. We're human beings, essentially, when it comes down to it at the end of the day, each one of us, we're not perfect, we have never been perfect, okay? We were not designed to be perfect. Ever. Ever were we designed to be perfect. That was not the goal when when whoever created us. It was to have free will, and it was to have experiences, and wow, I've had a lot of experiences. Um, but I'm starting to get some glimmers of like I've always had glimmers of the good stuff, but I've never really truly been ever known what happiness feels like, I guess, is an experience, honestly, right now that I kind of want to have. God, I'm gonna start crying. Um I think a lot of us can relate to that. Hold on. This is a little rawer than I thought. Wasn't expecting this. Wasn't expecting the tears. Getting a little glimpse. But we are still here, we are still standing. Even after we're still here trying to make the world a better place.

SPEAKER_00: 12:45

I still believe we can do that.

SPEAKER_02: 12:54

It's gonna take a while. We kind of fucked it up pretty good. Us as human beings. Oh, we've kind of fucked it. But that's okay. For every fucked up thing that we do, there's always a way to kinda counteract it and swing the pendulum back into the other direction. Um, that's all we can do.

SPEAKER_03: 13:20

That's all we can do. I'm gonna pause right here because I need to go get Kleenex.

SPEAKER_00: 13:32

Hold on.

SPEAKER_02: 13:34

This is me just bringing the whole damn Kleenex box over here because you know shit.

SPEAKER_00: 13:40

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02: 13:42

Okay, like I said, I am not editing this shit because I do not have the energy time to get out my laptop and fucking edit it. So this is gonna be raw. This is gonna be real. I hope you're here for it. But there is some joy that we need to do, and we need to celebrate that. Because when you've gone through so much shit, I mean the verbal abuse, the physical abuse, the sexual abuse. Living in a country that's actively trying to take away your rights as a person. Um, so you can't have physical autonomy over your own body or um just being able to survive. It's hard. And I think a lot of us can relate to that. But I've done all the work, I've cleared stuff that it wasn't even mine to deal with. And I think a lot of us a lot of us have had to deal with a lot of things that were put upon us that didn't necessarily need to be put upon us. Cause if you think about it, your family, your family line, even going way back to your ancestors, which is kind of one of the reasons why I picked Scotland, is because my ancestors came from here. But when I went home, I was looking at we've done a lot of genealogy stuff, and unfortunately, all the stuff that I found was pretty much during the Civil War, which was fascinating, by the way, um, because I had family on both sides of the Civil War, um, both the North and the South. So I have had uh relatives who own slaves, and I had relatives who didn't, and both of them fought each other, essentially. And that was really fascinating because there's like a bunch of journals and stuff that I got to read through, and I I know all about the Civil War and the weather during that time period. It's funny how everybody talks about the weather. But another thing that I found out is um I couldn't find the information on when people came from over here in the UK over to America. Obviously, it was before the Civil War. So my people have been there for a long time, but whether they came here, came there of their own free will, or whether they were indentured servants of the British, that I don't know yet. I'm still trying to figure that part out. Um, but I mean, because that is a possibility. Uh I am part of the Duncan clan, I guess, here in Scotland. Um, I know we went all the way back to Robert the Bruce time period. I don't know where any of that information is, though. And unfortunately now I'm here and I don't have any of that. My family does in back in the States, but that's okay. Um but it's just kind of interesting to think about because if you think about the generations before us and what they've gone through, and if you know anything about our DNA and stuff like that, that once you go through like traumatic experiences, once you go through uh different things, it actually encodes in your DNA, and that shit gets passed on down, and it has been passed on down unless somebody clears it out. And I don't think that a lot of people realize that, and that some of the how do I describe this? Hmm, some of the bullshit, okay, because that's what it really is. Um an example would be if your family went through the Great Depression and survived it, they have a deep sense of lack in that family. Did you know that that can actually pass down generationally? And it's not your fault, and it's not their fault, they just didn't know, okay? Because at the end of your life, you're supposed to kind of clear everything out, you're supposed to go through life and kind of ex I don't know how to describe it. It's not like accepting what happens, but it's more of a letting go of what has happened to you and letting that release and no longer be a part of who you are. And you basically kind of become it's like you've killed the old person. Of you and then you kind of become someone new, and it's so bizarre. I'm rambling. I'm gonna hit pause again here for a second. My thought train derailed and I gotta get it back on track. Hold on. Damn, this is getting raw and real. Um, I'm gonna apologize for not editing this shit, and I hope you can bear with me on that one. Um, I'm in a weird liminal space right now. I don't feel like I have a home. It's kind of hard. Um, but here we go. Now, as I was saying about generational trauma, uh your ancestors have been through some shit. Everybody goes through shit. I think every single human being on this planet has gone through something at some point in time. And if you haven't, well, God bless you, okay. Um, but also make sure that you're actually being kind and helpful to people who are going through stuff. Okay. That's all I'm asking for. That's all I'm asking for. A little kindness. Little spread it around. But okay, so back to generational drama. When especially a prime example is women, just women in general. Throughout history, women, well, at one point in time, women were actually, I think, kind of revered and felt like they were sacred. And I guess in some cultures, still more indigenous cultures, uh, consider women to be more uh kind of a mother figure, kind of a spiritual figure, um, something that should be revered. Uh and it has not been that way. Um, at least in my lifetime. Um, and it's gone back quite a while, honestly, and I kind of feel like there's this weird shift happening, and women, this is why we're able to clock men like none other. Is because of all the trauma and stuff that we've been through. And guys, you fucked it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you fucked it. Just being honest with you. You have ingrained that so much into our DNA, we can clock you very easily. And the thing is, is that we were also told to be kind, we were also told to be uh giving. We were also told that we were supposed to like uh sacrifice ourselves for our families um or our job. And how do I tell you this? That is not the purpose of life, it's not the purpose of life. The purpose of life is to have experiences, the purpose of life is to find joy. The purpose of life is not to be in to pilot the fucking struggle bus. The the whole point and purpose is to interact with people, find joy in something, follow your passions, and that's what I'm trying to do here, but I feel like I'm meeting a few roadblocks, and I know that it's myself at this point because I I've ripped myself down to the foundation, I got nothing left. That's what a healing journey does, it rips you down to the foundation so that you can build yourself back up. And I'm in the rebuilding phase, and I feel like I've I have a lot of resources, and I want to share those resources with you because we need it. We're all struggling out here, and I see it.

unknown: 25:10

It's my heart.

SPEAKER_04: 25:15

Just see so many people. Just trying to get by how do we fix that?

SPEAKER_02: 25:52

What we have to do at our level. Nobody else is gonna come save you. Nobody's coming to save me. No one's coming to save you. You can only save yourself. What that looks like is different for each person. And that's part of the dream of life. God damn. Oh, I was not expecting this for a fucking year-end review, but here we are. We can do this. We can get through this.

SPEAKER_00: 26:54

We can. I really truly believe that. I really truly do believe that.

SPEAKER_02: 27:02

We can get through the toughest nights, the darkest fucking nights of the soul. I've already gone through those. I don't want to go through more. I kind of find it funny that uh the Duncan name, the motto for the Duncan family clan. Translated in English is learn to suffer. I am done suffering. I am done. I do not want to suffer anymore. I want to endure life. I want to find joy in life, and I think that you do too. But it's kind of hard when your heart is in a bazillion little pieces. Because people, governments, uh don't give a shit. And that's kind of part of the problem is that I don't feel like we quite give enough shits about our fellow human beings. If you want me to be honest there, there it is. It's what is w how things have been going are not working. And the only way to do is to change. And you have to change. And if you're not willing to change, then fuck. Fuck.

SPEAKER_04: 28:44

Oh God.

SPEAKER_02: 28:54

What in your ear and review this is you can find your joy. You can find your happiness. It is out there. God, I sound like an X-File sex. It's out there. You're gonna get sirens and all bitches. I don't care. Sorry, I'm watching a bird fly across the sky. Hi, ADHD. Um I press pause again. Cause I need to rethink my thoughts. Okay. My thought trained derailed again.

unknown: 29:51

Woo-hoo.

SPEAKER_02: 29:53

Okay. I'll be right back. God, New Year's is a mind fuck. That's just all I gotta say. New Year's is the mind flare. Um, it makes you reflect on everything that has happened to you in the past. And it does kind of come and bubble up, which is my hot mess right now. I'm doing a little bit better. Um, but I'm kind of realizing something. When you are on a healing journey, a lot of times you basically what has to happen is you tear everything down. You have a complete in tarot, it's called the tower. Ooh, I got a tower deck. Hold on. Okay. Sorry for that little temporary momentary thing. Um, I actually have my tarot deck here with me in Edinburgh, so I thought I would show you a couple of the images from it because it's kind of relevant. I am a little witchy kind of girly. Um, I could talk to my spirit guides and ancestors, which is kind of odd to people. Um, not many people actually are able to do that. Um, it's just basically because I have cleared out the bullshit within my head, because a lot of times the world is very loud. And when the world is too loud, we can't hear ourselves necessarily. In America, it is fucking screaming. And um I needed to escape that for a little bit, which is kind of why I'm in Edinburgh, um, to be honest with you. It's no really other reason than that, except for to kind of get back to my ancestors, because once you've been in America for uh your your family line has been in America for so many generations, um, you actually end up kind of losing a lot of your culture, which is something that uh inevitably happens in America a lot, uh, which is why I think Americans are, or at least I feel like sometimes we're a little bit more listless. Um we don't necessarily have a sense of direction of where we are at and where we came from. And I think that that is kind of a sad, sad state. Um, but I was talking about the tower earlier, and I paused, and it took me like 10 minutes to get back to you. As you can see, my eyes are a little bit more clear, a little bit more composed. Because with New Year's, it really does. You reflect on your past. And the thing is, is that my past is done. I've cleared the shit and the bull crap of everything that has been put upon me by other generations, um, by the entire line of women in my uh family line who basically have uh sacrificed themselves for the men in their lives or their families in their lives. I feel like I am the first person in my family who have actually managed to let that go. And that's huge, okay? That is a huge fucking win right there that I don't think that uh women get enough credit for. Because if you can do that.

unknown: 33:46

Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_02: 33:49

And to the men who are part a part of the loneliness epidemic, you're the problem. Okay? Take a look at yourself. Quit trying to look at us like we're the problem. You're the problem. You are the problem. Fix it, fix yourself. Women have been fixing themselves for years. It's time that you fix you. Because you have also been under a lot of pressure as men, in order to live up to responsibilities and beliefs that you may not necessarily believe in yourself. Oh, that was deep. Um, and I went off the trails again. I hope you can follow along. Cuz I'm sorry, when I get actually, no, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry, motherfuckers. I am not sorry for the fact that I have feelings and emotions. I am not sorry for the fact that I care and I give a fucking shit about people. I'm not gonna apologize for that anymore to people. I care. Okay? Maybe you should start caring as well. Whew. That came out of my mouth. But anyhow, I was originally gonna go back to uh the healing journey and the tower moment that you kind of have. And so this is basically what my life has felt like. This is called the Ten of Swords. They look a little uncomfortable, don't they? Yeah, that's basically how I think people are feeling right now. Just kind of lying there and taking it.

unknown: 35:38

I'm done taking it.

SPEAKER_04: 35:41

That's what I gotta say to you.

SPEAKER_02: 35:44

And this, my friend, is the tower. As you can see, people are flying out of the apartment, they're dying, they're just flailing, the burning is building, it's crashing down around you. Your crown is falling off, and you are gonna basically be ripped apart to rubble. I did that. I blew up my life. I had to say goodbye to my job, my friends. Uh, realize who were my friends who were not my friends, because that's something that you don't always realize is that you are not necessarily surrounded by the people who are the most beneficial to you.

SPEAKER_01: 36:34

Whoa! Say more, Auntie Ron.

SPEAKER_02: 36:38

I will repeat that for the people in the back. You may not be one, in the right place if you are miserable. Two, ask yourself, am I surrounded by assholes? Because I probably am. You probably are. So you need to eliminate those two things. If get yourself out of the area that you're in. If you're feeling stuck, and maybe it's time to move. It's time to grow, it's time to expand, it's time to get out. Okay, that's where I'm at. I'm trying to grow and I'm trying to expand. And I've did everything, I have cleared all the bullshit. And now I'm ready for a new year. I am ready for a new life. And the funny thing is, is that as soon as I got onto that plane to come here, I felt like everything that I had gone through, that book fucking closed. Okay. And now I'm trying to integrate the lessons and stuff that I've learned, and I'm trying to share that here with you. And today it's a little I will freely admit it's a little psychotic today. Okay. My thoughts are a little scattered and kind of all over the place, but then again, if you think about it, I'm in survival mode. So that kind of brings up your a lot of issues that of security, of trying to find your footing, trying to see where you are at in the world. And it's challenging. But this tower, I'm done with it. It can fuck off now. Okay? I have nothing left. Nothing left. I am dan basically what I feel like is that I have a foundation of a place. That's really about it. I've been gathering information, I've been gathering like resources, I've been gathering knowledge, and now I'm to a point in which, like, how do I get this information out there? And this is the only thing that I can come up with, is a podcast. And right now my thoughts are a little scattered because well, they're a little scattered because I'm I'm just trying to survive right now. But once you get to the tower moment, what you're really trying to do is get to this. This is the Ten of Cups. She looks happy. Look, we got a little family there, they're rejoicing. All the cups are in a rainbow above them. Good times had by all. But my guides keep telling me that I'm supposed to be a star with a T. He's hanging out. Um, but from there, I'm supposed to get some coin. But we aren't there yet. But that's the journey of healing. You get stabbed in the back till you die. You get sick and frustrated with it. You go through your fucking tower moment where everything gets destroyed. Then you get to breathe a little bit, have a little bit of a celebration, and then you gotta figure out what you're supposed to do and be that person to hopefully get a little coin. It's a journey of life right there. Summarized in a tarot deck. I'm gonna hit pause one more time because I lost my train of thought again.

unknown: 41:03

Woo whoop.

SPEAKER_02: 41:06

You know what I just realized is that I've spent the past 40 minutes or 30 minutes kind of reflecting on all the bad shit that has happened in my life. And I understand this is a New Year's end review. It's gonna happen. It's gonna come up. All the feelings have been coming up today. But I just realized something because I am in this weird, I'm in this weird in-between state. Okay, I've healed my stuff, my bullshit, and now I'm integrating everything. But I'm not necessarily talking about the things that I want now that I've healed all this. And that's the fun part, honestly, because once you've let that stuff go, what do you got? Nothing. You just got possibilities, you just got opportunities, endless opportunities. Everything is an opportunity at this point. I mean, because I've literally sold everything I own. I have some clothes, some books, some artwork, um, and some weird, odd and end things that kind of make me laugh. That's about the only thing that I've really kept. Everything else got sold. I have no furniture, no house, no car, nothing. That's how I was able to afford getting here. And risking it for the biscuit, essentially. And here's hoping that the biscuit is worth it. I'm not gonna lie, it's completely terrifying and very scary. But you have to kind of be careful when you're in this weird in-between space, is that you can go backwards. And I just kind of realized that that's what I was just doing. I'm not learning my own lessons. But I just did in 40 minutes.

unknown: 43:12

40 minutes.

SPEAKER_02: 43:14

Do you want to know something? There were times here in my healing journey in which like it would take me months to figure something. Not gonna lie. There were there were times. I'm just like, oh Jesus, this is like taking forever. But I got through it, and now I'm here. And we're not reflecting on the past anymore. The past is done. As of tomorrow, that book shuts. And we're writing a new chapter. We're right, actually, and we're not writing a chapter, we're writing a whole new book, okay, at this point, because I feel like that's kind of what happens when you do go through this. You get a new book, and they're just kind of like here you go. Fill this one up, and that's kind of where I'm at right now, and but I'm a little lost as to where to start, and so I'm babbling here and having all the feelings today. Um, but let's talk about once you get to that spot and what you do. Because you when you're in this weird in-between space, you can go backwards, and that is something that I'm desperately trying to do. Because I am so close. I am so close to getting through this. But I need help, and it's hard to ask for help, especially when you basically have had to do everything on your own. And but what this is about, this podcast, is for me to try and create some community because I know out there there are other people who feel the exact same way that I do, the exact same way, and know within their heart of hearts that when you heal yourself, it's another little drop in the bucket to healing the world.

SPEAKER_01: 45:44

But I'm sick of the bullshit.

SPEAKER_02: 45:48

I'm sick of victimhood. Because that's essentially what it is, what it comes down to, is putting yourself into the state of victimhood that i everybody else is out to get me. But right now, that isn't it. I'm I'm actually the one getting in my own way. That's a hard fucking truth to admit to. But right now I am the one who's getting in my own way. Um but I also need help, though. And the main thing that I need help with, especially right now, because I feel like I am in survival mode again. Being here, trying to find a place to live. Because one of my greatest fears is being homeless. Um that's a tough thing to admit. But the thing is, is that I also know that I'm inventive, I'm creative, I have I think a decent personality. Um and I'm a good human being. And I think a lot of us are good human beings, and there's a lot of us out there. But sometimes even good human beings need help. And if anybody in the Edinburgh area knows of a place to rent or would be willing to rent to me for six months, please slide into my DMs, okay? Or if somebody is even willing to sponsor me while I'm here, um, I would greatly appreciate that. More than you fucking know at this point. Because I am in that weird in-between space and I do not want to go back.

SPEAKER_01: 47:50

I do not want to go back. And unfortunately, I kind of feel like today I slid a little. But it's part of the journey.

SPEAKER_02: 48:04

You're gonna slide a little. And then you're gonna keep going forward again. That's what life is. Happy fucking New Year's. Alright, I think I'm gonna end this session. But uh, if anybody has any help or any helpful ideas, please DM me. Just slide up into those DMs, okay? Um, yeah. But happy fucking new year. We've got this, we can do this, and hopefully in the next couple weeks, I will have some updates for you and we can figure this shit out. Alright. I love you guys. Have an amazing new year's. I know that that was kind of a little roller coaster. Thank you for coming along with me for the ride. I appreciate you. I love you guys. Bye.